Oct. 14th, 2015 05:06 pm
emerald_gem: (Default)
Well, holy shit.

Torrin came back.

I guess playing Wham and George Michael all day yesterday and part of today did the trick, hah. One minute it was just me in the headspace, then next thing I know he's passed out on the couch. He looks rough. He looks older. I wonder what the hell happened to him. Guess I'll find out when he wakes up.

I am so stupidly happy to see him again, you guys have no idea.
emerald_gem: (Default)
Yep - still here, just lurking. Took the front fully this morning for the first time in ages to talk to Kyte. It's been friggin' forever since we talked, and I really needed the social interaction. Maybe I'll come out more now that it's fall - after all, I do tend to be more active when the weather cools. Who knows.

Or maybe I'll be more active to help combat Beth's crippling anxiety attacks. I've been slacking on the job on that front - Beth had a real bad one yesterday. The Viking (her boyfriend) came over for a little bit to spend time with her, which was good, and Ross gave her some space and anti-anxiety meds when her anxiety came back, so I'm glad she had people around to take care of her when I was too derped out to push front and handle things. I'm a bit rusty and spaced out lately. Gotta fix that.

Prolly gonna head out the door here in a bit - Beth found a stash of the ex-husband's old video games (and I mean old) that might be worth some money, so we're gonna sell 'em before heading to work. Hey, he didn't take them with him when he moved out of the old place in February, so it must mean he didn't want 'em, right? :D
emerald_gem: (Default)
Dude, what the fuck is up with all the thunderstorms lately? It's like the universe is trying to terrify me on purpose.

Had to pull over on the ride to work this morning because of this MONSTER thunderstorm. Pouring rain, fucking HAIL, flooding, the whole nine yards. Ended up having to hop off and push the scooter through some flooded areas. It was up to our goddamned KNEES at some points. Oh, and to top it off? Turn signal relay blew halfway to work, so we had no goddamned turn signals. Worst commute we've ever had, and Beth's ridden in -10 degrees F weather before. We got to work soaking wet and miserable, and had to teach a workshop.

Got the scooter fixed, though, and then went home and just passed out in bed with one of the cats. We were friggin' beat. Still are, but not nearly as bad as earlier.
emerald_gem: (Me)
I hate when I shoot forward out of nowhere and so much shit is different.

We got new glasses since I was last out. And two more cats. And a CAR, shit I've been out of it awhile.

I looked in the mirror and don't even recognize myself anymore. It's been too damn long since I've been this far forward. I'm kind of glad Ross isn't home. He hasn't exactly met me yet, and I... yeah. It's very obviously me. I'm tempted to dig through the closet, find my kitty hat, and ride down to the scooter shop to see if ex-husband notices. I'm sure he will. He always does. And I would just go in there, smirk, flip him off, and then scooter back home.

Because there are fucking thunderstorms in the area, oh doesn't that just top this weird day off.

I miss having my own room.

And people inside to keep me company.

And, well, friends in general.
emerald_gem: (Anime Em)
And not just because the ex-husband is gone. Everything's just so ridiculously different since the last time I fronted for more than an hour or so.

I'm still the only one here besides Beth. Sometimes it feels very empty here.

I'm honestly surprised that any of my friends still want to talk to me. I kinda fell off the face of the earth for a while, and disappearing = shitty friend.

WHEN THE FUCK DID WE GET A GREEN SCOOTER. I must've been out of it for a while. Last I was entirely conscious of things, we just had Scooterlou. (I've been drifting a lot lately. Drifting and hovering and not really paying too much attention to things unless something important grabbed my attention.) Beth tells me she sold Scooterlou to get the green scooter. And then somehow she got her back. I guess there's a scooter for each of us now? No complaints here, hah.

We're apparently making a shit-ton more money at work. Which is nuts. But I'm not complaining.

There's a cat here. A cat. I'm fascinated by him. His name is Steve and he apparently likes the little ponies.

Body hates us today. Stupid ladypart problems. Then again, what else is new?

Lots of things to process. Lots and lots.

Plus, I think there's more of me in Beth than there used to be...
emerald_gem: (Default)
Good lord a ton of shit's happened since I last posted you have NO IDEA.

First things first, and biggest things first, the husband... is now the EX-HUSBAND. Beth finally divorced him. And she's never felt better. Hell, I've never felt better. Sure, I don't spend much time front lately, but jesus it feels good to know he's not around to mutter "that bitch" under his breath when he sees me around.

Beth's got a better guy in her life now. I like him. Fuck, I like him so much I let him borrow my wig. Do you know how much my wig means to me? It's part of what makes me real. But she lets him wear it for things. And gods. Yeah. This Ross guy, he's good people. They've been together for a year, living together for a little over half that. Still don't get how the hell the ex-husband decided he was okay with Beth moving her boyfriend in, but then again, the ex-husband decided he was "poly", moved his girlfriend in last January, and she lived with them, rent free, for what, 8 months? Fuck that noise, that's what I say. Bunch of stupid drama happened, slowly but surely, after bitchface (ex-husband's girlfriend) moved in, and it just kept getting worse and worse until Beth pretty much said "fuck this shit" and told the ex-husband she wanted a divorce. And a few months later, it was done and two weeks ago the fucker moved out.

I just... I can't brain enough to put words to all the stuff that's happened since my last post. So. I'll post again soon, I promise. When I can brain better.

Also, happy birthday to me. I'm 15, technically. Hell yes.
emerald_gem: (Default)
aaaagh fuck I hate how lately I can't control when I slip forward and end up finding myself SCOOTER RIDING IN A THUNDERSTORM what the hell

*takes a deep breath* Hah. Okay. So. Everyone remembers how I don't like thunderstorms, right? They rank right up there with stupid amounts of computers triggering my electromagnetic sensitivity in the List Of Things Em Hates. I'm fine with the scooter. I love the scooter. But riding it in a thunderstorm is the absolute opposite of fun, especially for me. Cause every time thunder sounds, I jump and yelp like a frightened puppy. And when I jump, I grip the scooter harder, and that causes it to rev up if I grab it the right way. And that just makes it worse. So I rode with my head low like a racer (Beth laughed and said it wouldn't make me go faster) and gunned it where I could.

Got to the busy intersection we pass through on our way home, and the power goes out and all the drivers are all "oh god what do i do i've never driven in a power outage before HALP" - they sit there for a good 10, 15 seconds and then EVERYONE goes at once, like morons. So glad some moron didn't hit us.

Ugh. Stomach is bothering us, and Beth's finally able to slip front again, so I'm gonna finish this and retreat from the storm. Guh.

Oh hey.

Jun. 14th, 2013 11:12 am
emerald_gem: (Me)
I swear I still exist. :D Still drinking coffee, watching the ponies, listening to the dubsteps.

Beth's back on antidepressants. I notice I get a little more... active when on these things, I dunno. A little more vocal. Not complaining. I like it.

Gonna make my secret debut at GenCon this year, rocking a steampunk getup. I guess Beth and I will be co-fronting that day, but honestly, whenever she puts on my wig for pictures, it's totally me that comes out.

We're growing our hair out. It's a reddish color now, pretty damn close to the color of my wig. I approve of this development. Hair's all shaggy and growing every which-way, but whatever. Don't care. Just want it to be long again.

Morgan dumped Beth back in February. Bad times. I had to force-front a few times to keep her sane. Even yelled at the fucker. He knew about me, and when I started talking, he knew it was me. I get his reasons, but seriously, he could've done it with a little more tact. 'Specially considering how very, VERY depressed and fragile Beth was. Dickbag. Forgot I wrote about this back in February. NEED MOAR COFFEE.

Things're good now, though. Beth's dating a new guy. He's a little nerdy for my tastes. The husband is still... well, the husband. Work is work, we put about 400 miles on the scooter since the beginning of the year, and I'm gonna work on making the office MY room again.

And that's it from me. Yeah, this is rambly and disjointed. I know. Oh well.
emerald_gem: (Default)
I am SO FAR FRONT right now for the first time in so long that I've forgotten how to properly imitate Beth, and I can't quite get to her for hints and stuff. Today will be INTERESTING.

It's good, though. Girl needs a break. Last week was hell on her. Morgan dumped her again, despite loving her and all that. It was another one of her huge misinterpretations of what the husband said, which led to her panicking, which led to Morgan saying "then we have to break up". They may get back together sometime in the future. Nobody's sure right now. I'm trying to hold a conversation with him, pretending to be Beth, and trying REALLY hard not to fly off the handle at him. Because instead of going OH SHIT LET'S BREAK UP, he could have, I dunno, FUCKING TALKED TO THE HUSBAND. It took the two of them NINE MONTHS to have a frigging conversation without Beth there to make them interact with each other. And that was a week after he dumped her, and after Beth fucking snapped, self-harmed, and freaked the two of them out by being in such a dark place. Fuck that shit.

I actually think I scared the husband with my "your princess is in another castle" comment. It's been so long since I've been front and vocal, I bet he thought I was gone. Haha. Not happening, buddy.

In other news, it's nice to be out and listening to dubstep again. Fuck yeah Skrillex. Oh, and I had a birthday last week. And lots of red velvet cake to celebrate. It was good. :)
emerald_gem: (Default)
Slipped to the forefront a little more strongly today. No idea why - it's not like there was anything stressful going on. Went to the eye doctor. Got new glasses. Walked all over town. Did a lot of thinking and stuff.

I'm... rather lonely lately. Granted, I'll take lonely over last year's drama shitstorm any day, but still... I miss having people to talk to. To email. I dunno if I'll ever get back on IM or anything, but still. I just... I miss being wanted. I miss having friends.
emerald_gem: (Default)
Took a long walk today. Listened to lots of Skrillex. So much awesome.

Beth's gonna go paint stuff. Morgan's birthday is tomorrow, so she wants to give him something cool. She'll prolly post pictures later.

Not much happening on my end of things. Just chilling out, for the most part. Still here, though, still causing trouble. :D
emerald_gem: (Default)
Well, we've come down with the creeping crud or something. Body feels like shit today. Thankfully, Beth emailed in to work, so we can sit around in the ugly yet surprisingly warm bathrobe, listen to music obnoxiously loudly, and chug Vitamin C stuff.

Forgot how much I loathe being ill.
emerald_gem: (Default)
That's what I seem to do a hell of a lot of lately. Hovering in the back. Being ready to move at a moment's notice, swoop in and throw up the armor, so to speak.

Beth and Morgan are all good, for the most part, which is nice. Beth and the husband? That's a whole 'nother story. I can handle that, though. S'why I'm hovering. In case he pulls some shit again about Morgan, and Beth can't handle dealing with him. He's done some stupid shit, when it comes to her and Morgan. I understand he wants his wife and all, but she is not wired for monogamy. Neither of us are. So, yeah. He's gotta deal with it, stop imposing restrictions on her, making her feel wrong and dirty for spending time with another man. (If it was another chick, he'd be OH SO FINE WITH THAT BECAUSE TWO GIRLS TOGETHER ARE HOT or some shit. But another man? NO FUCKING WAY)

I've been quiet for so long, though, that I can slip under the radar, mostly undetected now, without attracting any of his bullshit. Which is good. Don't have to worry about him trying to log into any of my online accounts or anything, like he used to do. And if I have to slip forward, he won't notice. I've gotten a bit better at being subtle. A hell of a lot better, actually.

In other news, I forgot about a good friend's birthday and feel like an ass, and had a surprise visit from Ellie and Torrin over the holidays. Mostly everyone's vacated the premises, so it was nice to see them again. The husband was pissed that Ellie dropped by and didn't say hi. He did, however, notice Torrin rocking out to Wham's one and only Christmas song one day while we were in NY. So, yeah. Shit's been quiet here otherwise, aside from relationship BS on Beth's side of things.
emerald_gem: (Me)
Maybe not as vocal as I once was, but I'm still here, pissin' the husband off, rockin' out, watchin' ponies and listening to dubstep.

Just wanted to share a little something that Morgan (Beth's boyfriend, for those unfamiliar) said to me. Beth was commenting to him on the fact that the majority of her artwork revolves around me (and made some snarky comment about the fact that I'm narcissistic, ha ha funny), and he says in response, "hahaha- important part of your life = you draw her."


Yeah. He knows about me, in case you didn't catch that. Beth had a bad anxiety episode one day over at his house, and I slipped out just enough to calm her down. She ended up explaining about me. AND HE DIDN'T FREAK. HE'S ACTUALLY HELD CONVERSATIONS WITH ME AND DID NOT FREAK.

You don't wanna hear the shit running through my head about the husband right now. All I'm gonna say is I am SO DAMN GLAD that Morgan's in Beth's life. SO FUCKING GLAD.
emerald_gem: (Default)
We've been playing Guild Wars 2 a fuckton lately. I find it strangely addicting - we actually had to force ourselves not to play last night so Beth could get some homework done. She's got a character named after me, haha - Emerald Windleaf, one of the Sylvari, a plant person, so the name's kinda appropriate - but I think I might start a character of my own. We've actually got people to play with this time around, too. Dunno if anyone plays Guild Wars here, and I don't think I'd blame you for not playing, what with NC Soft's crap with shutting down City of Heroes, but if anyone dooooes play, lemme know.

I think I realized why I've been so damn quiet lately. I think it was recovering from that ridiculous drama shitstorm from back at the beginning of the year. Drama takes a lot out of you, I've noticed. A hell of a lot. So I guess I did what any good wolfy-typed-personality would do - retreat, lick my wounds, recuperate, and come back as good as new. Didn't think it would take as long as it did, but when you consider everything I went through... yeah. When I realized things would be okay, I let my guard down, and just went off to relax. No idea where - I don't think it was House Gembell, though, that's for sure. We've... lost contact with that place. Considering all the stuff that went on there, I don't think I'd want to stay there. Not anymore. I think Torrin's looking for a new astral house, so to speak, for us - not sure. He hasn't been here in a while. Neither has Ellie. I don't think she'll ever come back - she wasn't even properly here on Beth's birthday.

It's so dark and gray and rainy out today. Makes me think of Potsdam. I kinda like it- it's a day where one could just tuck themselves inside, turn on their computer, watch some Netflix and drink some hot coffee. (Or tea, because Beth's all NO COFFEE OR I WILL GET SPANKED. Don't even ask. You likely don't want to know.) I'm lookin' forward to getting on Scooterlou (FUCK YEAH SCOOTER) and going to class. Not sure if I'll actually be front much during class, but who knows. We'll see. And we'll see if anyone notices. S'my favorite game to play - See If Anyone Notices Em.

Well, everyone's gonna notice Em in a few weeks, haha - going to the renfaire with some very good friends, friends who know about me. May dig out the wig and go dressed as a proper renaissance lady, haha.
emerald_gem: (Default)
It's actually chilly out for once.

Dark and rainy, gray skies, leaves changing color.

Guess who's back, guys.

Yeah, that's right, me.


Aug. 6th, 2012 07:56 am
emerald_gem: (Default)
I've realized why I've reared my scruffy head again! It's for the same old reasons as always.

Beth's not doing so hot. (Of course. When am I ever super-active and Beth's actually okay?) I think part of it comes from her relationship with her boyfriend - and how it's lately brought to light a lot of stuff that's wrong in her relationship with the husband.

Sometimes I think that her getting into a relationship with someone that's not the husband is a great idea. Expanding her horizons, stuff like that. And then there're times where I think it was not the brightest idea she's ever had. She gets very attached very quickly. She sees all the unpleasantness in her main relationship brought to light, and she scrutinizes it more thoroughly than she would has this other person not entered her life. I've seen her do it many times. It's not good for her.

She had a long talk with Morgan yesterday. Can't remember all of what they discussed, since I wanted to give them some privacy, but I know a chunk of it was how she's not happy with how things are here. I mean, fuck, she and the husband were supposed to go away someplace for their anniversary, but you know what they're doing instead? Nothing. The husband's using the money they might have used to go someplace and is instead fixing the damn car. (Granted, the reason they're not going anywhere is because the husband found out hotel rooms in Chicago are insanely expensive, but sheesh, they coulda gone somewhere closer to home, yanno?) She also talked about me a bit - I definitely remember this part, as I was about to slip forward and have a conversation with Morgan. But I trust him, strangely. I don't think he'd ever purposefully do anything to hurt her. She knows she can relax around him. Fuck, she's even told him about me, and he didn't dismiss us outright as batshit insane, like the husband did at first. But yeah. Long conversation about things she's been trying to ignore or stuff deep down inside. She cried for a bit. First time she'd cried in a long time - I think she's afraid to cry around the husband because he coddles her too much. Goes into hyper "OMG SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MY WIFE I MUST FIX IT" mode. Morgan... he just let her cry on him. Like I let her cry on me when she needs to.

So. Yeah. Time to dust off my glasses, fluff up my hair, and face the world today. I know Beth's not going to be able to do it well today.
emerald_gem: (Default)
So, here I am again - I know, new journal name, which might irritate some people, but you know what? I don't want to go back to my old journal. That was the old me, the person who journaled there. And I think it's time to focus on the new - not the old.

Soooo. There's not a heck of a lot to talk about right now. Since the "Big Change", when we had some system upheaval back around Beltaine (beginning of May for those not of the Pagan persuasion), I've been pretty quiet. S'alright with me - it doesn't bother me. I've needed a chance to rest, to recuperate from all the crazy shit that happened during the first part of the year. I'm ready to be a little more... me, yanno?

ALSO. You may have noticed that my hair? Significantly shorter. I ended up chopping it off to match the body's - I needed a change, and since Beth went and lopped all hers off, I figured, what the hell. We are twins, after all. S'fun looking alike, heheh. (Although while hers looks all nice and neat short, I've got a perpetual case of bed-head with this new 'do. Whatever. It looks awesome.)
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